I don’t even know how to introduce this video. How about you just watch it while I collect my thoughts.
There’s just so much in this 30-second 1980s Christmas commercial from Belk, the Charlotte-based department store: the song, the hair, the slogan (“Shopping means Belk”? What?).
-Where did those girls come from? Are they the grandkids? Why did the grandparents leave them?
-Mistletoe guy has the strongest pucker face I’ve ever seen. Well done, sir.
-Can you imagine Cam Newton in this ad? That would be awesome.
-Why is the elf trying on new shoes? I want some of those elf shoes.
-What is in that bag?!?
-That poor baby. He/she has to be in his/her mid-to-late 20s now. Anyone know who it is? C’mon, internet, let’s find that baby!
Good luck getting that song out of your head.
Corey Inscoe covers sports for the Charlotte Observer’s community sections, but also really likes good music, good food and Charlotte beer. Follow him on Twitter @CoreyInscoe.