This article was written in an “as told to” format based on an interview done with Eve, who requested we run this as a pseudonym for confidentiality. These are her words, transcribed by Sean Clark-Weis. The content has been minimally edited for clarity and brevity.
A sugar baby is an individual seeking financial support, companionship, or something else under the terms of an agreed-upon arrangement between them and, often, a wealthy man or woman.
I’m a young woman who is very confident in her sexuality. I try not to use labels, but if I had to, I’d go with pansexual. I’ve always dated guys, but I’ve also always been interested in girls. It’s more, I like who I like.
I’m more than my sexuality, though. I’m just five classes away from earning a double major in criminal justice and psychology at UNC Charlotte. My hope is to be able to find a position that allows me to get in the mind of people who perpetrate crimes. That would be my dream job.
I lost my financial aid this year, so I work at a restaurant in Concord when I’m not in class to help cover some costs. It’s a life pretty familiar to many college students. Working at the restaurant, however, is not my only form of income.
I am a sugar baby.
Back in August 2016, I created my profile on SeekingArrangement.com. It’s a website dedicated to connecting sugar babies with sugar daddies or mommas. Since then, I’ve been on about 15-20 dates.
One of my best friends heard about the website from this guy she was talking to and he said this other girl he was talking to used it. He was like, “she’s a sugar baby,” or something like that.
He mentioned the site, so she looked it up. She said she kind of wanted to check it out, so I was like, “Alright, I guess I’ll give it a try.”
I did not really know how to work the website when I first used it, but the idea of talking to established men drew me in. You can meet people out in public, but you’re not meeting as many people as you could meet.
It kind of opens up the doors for people that are my age to talk to people who are older and established. I like talking to well-established men. I’ve always liked it, so it just kind of puts me in the environment where they are.
Since joining the website, I’ve had two long-term arrangements. My first one lasted four months, while my most recent one lasted seven months. I actually just ended that one. I was his first sugar baby. He just got emotionally attached and that’s not what it was supposed to be. He was pretty young, only 34. I like him as a friend — I think he’s really cool, but he just was not honest all the time.
We were in an arrangement for quite a bit, so it was like a friendship, mutual kind of thing. He had already agreed to be my support system. Someone that helped me out, that I could call because I don’t really ask my parents or anything for help.
I’m very honest with all the guys. I don’t want an actual relationship with them and I don’t hide that fact.
Not having his financial support will be tough, especially since I no longer receive my student aid. He helped me with my bills, so like my car payment, my rent, my tuition. I never really asked him for anything because I worked, so it was just like, I’m going to be a little tight, could you help me out, type thing. The largest single amount he ever gave me was $1,000.
I didn’t send him my bills, but I told him this is this much, this is this much. It was just a lot of trust that got developed in there. While this relationship didn’t start physical, it did eventually reach that point.
I understand the stigma attached to the sugar baby name. I know some see this as a form of prostitution. To me, that’s just your opinion. Obviously, they are compensating you for whatever it is that they want. That doesn’t necessarily mean sex. It could just be your time. It could just be your conversation. It could just be your presence. A lot of time, yeah it is [sex], but not always. It lays out ground rules and it just happens to be ground rules with wealthy men.
Especially being in college, you hook up with all these people, and then the next second they are blowing you off, not talking to you and then you feel like shit. That’s just kind of how it goes, so why not be able to go somewhere nice, meet someone new and be around someone that’s comfortable and aren’t struggling and still have complete control of the situation?
It’s just what society tries to say is okay. If you get any type of thing for having sex, then that’s prostitution. Okay, well you continue to suck and f–k for free all the time, then. I don’t always want to do that.
I will admit that it can sometimes feel like work. Even with my sugar daddy, I liked him, I cared for him, but the emotional attachment was not there for me because it was almost like a business deal. We have an agreement and these are the rules we abide by.
That’s why I don’t like to do random dates. I like to be adding one person to my support system that I feel comfortable with and I can be around and hang out with. It’s always about comfort.
While I’ve enjoyed some crazy times, including a two-day party at a giant house that was putting off some major Playboy Mansion vibes, and received some crazy gifts, like a $200 vibrator, the enjoyable conversations are actually what keep me on the website.
It’s not the money or any of that, it’s more so just meeting them, hanging out and doing fun shit. That’s what I like. If you help, you help, if you don’t, you don’t, but I don’t really need it. I just kind of do it for enjoyment.
The guys on the website seem to range in age from about 25 to their upper 60s. I tend to steer away from the upper end of that range. I’d say about half the men on the site are either married or divorced. I’ve only spoken to maybe two or three married men because I don’t really like to go that route.
I just met with someone the other day who was upfront about being married. He kind of lives in this area, so he was kind of nervous in that aspect. He’s not looking for any kind of sexual thing. He’s just wanting someone to hang out with because his wife doesn’t hang out with him or do things.
You meet very renowned businessmen. There are some men who are well-known in the public eye. They travel a lot. They’re really just looking for someone to accompany them while they’re in town. Those are the ones who won’t have their pictures up — they’ve got to keep it pretty private. I think they are more fun to meet with because there’s not really a limit on what you can do. There are Charlotte people there, but a lot of times when I’ve met with people, they aren’t local.
While I do feel like I’m close to another arrangement, I don’t see myself doing this for too much longer. Maybe just until I finish out school and then I probably won’t be on it anymore.
I never dreamed this would be something I’d try to do, even when it was presented to me. You never understand something until you try it. Sometimes it’s good to just get uncomfortable. I did give it a shot because I like to try everything once, just so I have an informed opinion.
I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve had some amazing experiences. I’ve got a lot of amazing help from those amazing people. They always tell you to network, network, network in college and this is a great way to network.
Photo: Eve, Kimberly De La Cruz
Sugar Baby U
Seeking Arrangement just finished its annual report on which universities have the highest number of sugar babies on campus. UNC Charlotte came in at 26 with 372, a more than 42 percent increase from last year. CPCC also cracked the top 100, coming in at 97. Here are the top five schools for sugar babies in 2017:
(1) New York University (1,529 sugar babies)
(2) Arizona State University (1,361 sugar babies)
(3) Temple University (1,201 sugar babies)
(4) Georgia State University (998 sugar babies)
(5) Kent State University (927 sugar babies)