The 5 traits of people you’ll meet at Crescent Stonewall Station, based on its rendering

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I burst out laughing the first time I took a closer look at the rendering plastered against the fencing around Crescent Stonewall Station uptown.

This mammoth structure has joined the skyline along the Blue Line and is projected to bring in 450 apartments (set to start opening late 2017), a Whole Foods on the ground floor and two hotels.

And, if you take the rendering on South Caldwell Street seriously, this Crescent Communities development will bring in a hot, young crowd to the rooftop saltwater pool. Yes, they are diverse — black, white, Asian. And they are having a blast!

Here are five traits of people you’ll meet at Crescent Stonewall Station, according to the rendering:

(1) They are all smoking hot.

Every person in this image clearly works out. They’re slender. You can see the women’s hip bones and the dudes’ pecs. And this guy in the corner here, contemplating his next social move by the pool, is obviously working on his six pack.
Good, no uglies. Charlotte can at last rise above its 2017 ranking as fourth least-attractive city in America.

(2) They are confident.

Ah, watch them strut their stuff across the pool deck. And here, in the corner, watch this young lady pose, smiling coyly into the ether as she chills by the water, utterly alone. But sexy.

(3) They are young.

But of course it’s the Millennials who are depicted as these pool-party people, splish-splashing and laughing and posing. They don’t work and they have nothing better to do than live in the present.

Only a woman off to the side seems to have stumbled in from the wrong age demographic. Not to mention this more distinguished gentleman (below) who wandered into the party with his beach-preppy attire and his younger gal pal.

(4) They read print publications!

Shut the front door. Where are all of the iPhones? The iPads? Newsprint is not dead — the Millennials are here to save us after all. And to drink all of the Coca-Cola products.

(5) They are so high on life!

They’ve made it. They’re living in the skyline, enjoying everything Uptown has to offer. Like pool chairs.

And as posts on Crescent Stonewall Station’s Facebook page remind them, their whims are catered to, they are the envy of their friends because they can watch ballpark fireworks from their windows. And: “Crescent Stonewall Station isn’t just an apartment, it’s an experience and a gateway into creating the lifestyle you deserve.”

I’ll just settle for a trip to Whole Foods when it opens.

Photos: Katie Toussaint

6 COMMENTS

  1. Funny sty – funny that Katie noticed, yet it makes you think about the projection of classism and stereotyping. Is it progressive that several races are projected? Would this look much different as a senior community? Is it simple market segmentation? Does your mind go there, too?

  2. I know this was all in jest but it’s not really much different than any of the 1000 south end/uptown apartment pools. One of the many reasons I rarely use mine…don’t feel like time warping back into a frat party on weekend afternoons! Would be nice if they outlawed music speakers and booze and kept it to just a nice, quiet place to relax.

  3. Katie, this drawing also cracked me up. It is so … um … fake. They should have added a shark to the pool and possibly a blimp flying overhead.

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