I have Tinderitis.

My hand actually aches from swiping.

I feel like The Bachelorette with the amount of first dates I’ve been on, but hear me…I am keeping MY roses. Sure, I’ve been out with some really nice guys! Like the one that licked my face, instead of shaking my hand when we said our goodbyes. Or the guy that slid me the check and said, “You got this. I googled your ex.” And how can I forget the fella that asked me to leave after realizing I was Jewish? Yikes.

Dating at 44 just isn’t at all what I expected! The men — just like the women — are jaded and have baggage. None are willing to put in any effort after being emasculated by their ex-wives…but can you blame them? It’s a total crap-show. I am tired; emotionally beat up. I’ve been divorced for three years, and pretty sure destined to be alone…

Until I “accidentally” swiped on a 28-year-old man-child.

A CUB! A “cub” is a guy under the age of 30, that has never been married and has no children. Single, and looking for absolutely NOTHING! These cub-a-licious men are on the prowl for COUGARS (women over the age of 40, divorced, usually with kids). This is a phenomenon! These younger guys are simply fed up with girls their own age pressuring them with marriage and a family. They’re totally content with being alone (for now) and concentrating on their careers.

Sick of going on dates with girls that only want one thing — A RING! Ugh! Ladies, breathe. I know it seems like all your friends are hitched, and sure it feels like you’re the only one without a kid at Duck Donuts. But it’s ok to be single at 30! And some guys just aren’t ready yet! So, they’re on the hunt for older women that are DONE with that stage in life and are just looking for a little drama-free fun! Cubs appreciate the straightforwardness and directness that Cougars bring to the table. They have no hidden agenda, and want nothing. Think Demi and Ashton!

Look, it’s a win-win for both Cougars and Cubs.

It’s nice to have a guy that has nowhere to be — no kids to raise, no ex-wife texting all the time, no stress. It is EASY! And both parties know it is what it is — eventually the relationship will come to an end. The Cub will grow up, want to get married and have a family. Or the Cougar will find a man her own age, long for some big-girl conversation, maybe stop discussing green-tea shots, and the latest dance craze at The Candy Bar. But hell, it is refreshing to be with a guy that is attentive, and honest. He stays up past 10:30.

It’s funny. After talking with some of my single Cougars, I found that many of them have been hiding young cubs! So, guess what little kitties: consider this training for your soon-to-be-hubbies! And by the time these boys are ready for marriage, they will be PURRfection! They’ll know how to have adult conversations, eat with the right utensils and how to order wine at dinner. Oh, and how important it is to be HAPPY, instead of right. Don’t worry, you can thank the Cougars later.

Photo: Courtesy of Jennifer Weintraub

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